An open letter to any straight man who fears being hit on by a gay dude.
Let me tell you why there is no need to be afraid of gay men.
Something I have heard coming from straight men is that they are okay with me being gay, but asking me to please not hit on them. I have also been in the situation where a straight guy got to know me and as soon as they found out I was gay distanced themselves from me.
I don’t take this personally because some people just are more open to different lifestyles than others. I don’t label someone a homophobe as long as they don’t insult me in any way. However, I do think that it is very sad that some people
a) think that gay men don’t have any control over their sex drive
b) think that gay men are automatically attracted to all (straight) men
c) cannot enjoy getting compliments from someone who they have no sexual interest in
Let’s go over this:
a) Let me be honest: Gay men in general probably have more sex than straight men. And I think that this is no gay-thing but rather a man-thing. I believe that most straight men would hook up with an attractive woman if they had the chance to. But the tricky part is that the man must try to understand what this woman wants and feels if he wants to get in her pants. This step doesn’t apply for gay men as much. It’s pretty clear who is looking for sex in a gay bar and that’s okay. Important side note: This of course doesn’t apply to all gay men and not to settings beyond a gay bar!
Now for b) Gay men won’t be automatically attracted to you just because you have a dick. You don’t find all women attractive, do you? Of course, the possibility that some gay men think you’re hot exists but that doesn’t need to concern you. You can tell a guy that you’re not interested because you’re straight, so don’t worry. However, if a straight guy comes to a gay bar, chances are that nothing would happen. Besides the obvious fact that this man’s body language won’t intrigue an interesting flirt, science says that gay men can identify other gay men via smell. There are lots of studies showing that the odor of sweat and the released hormones between straight and gay men differ which allows gay men to instinctively identify other gay men. Interested in this kind of research? I will leave a couple of links down below.
c) This is probably the point that ‘bothers’ me the most. Why is it bad if you get hit on by a gay guy? If he makes a compliment this can cause a weird situation of course, but in the end, you can still feel flattered. Is a compliment only good coming from a person that you can potentially have sex with? I am personally very happy with any positive comments no matter who they come from. If I go out I probably don’t plan on having sex with anyone, so if I get a comment from someone that I am not attracted to or whose sexual orientation isn’t compatible to mine, that doesn’t matter. I take the compliment and am happy that someone thought my butt was tight.
I will link a video from the School of Life below. What’s very interesting about it is that they claim, that a good flirt will try to convince you of three things: 1) That they would like to sleep with you. 2) That they won’t sleep with you. 3) That it is not your fault that they won’t sleep with you. Crazy idea, but it somehow stuck with me and makes a lot of sense.
Let’s all go ahead and enjoy positive feedback from others. Isn’t it a good feeling to get a compliment no matter what? Or what else is the key to a ‘good flirt’?